Do you know how to spot an emotionally unhealthy man? Can you tell? If you’re looking for a serious relationship (or even a HEALTHY relationship) then his emotional health as well as yours is incredibly important and vital to sustaining the future of your relationship. Note: This post refers to men, but the signs will also apply to women.
When dating, be aware of some of these huge red flags that will tell you whether to stick around or move on to the next one.
So, why does his emotional health matter to you or your relationship? In order to function in the relationship and for it to be successful, your guy (along with you) needs to be in a good emotional space.
Below you’ll find the BIG Warning signs to look for in a man that’s just not ready to tackle a relationship with you. When you find the following warnings or red flags in a man you’re dating, it’s really best to walk the other way.
Break ups can be incredibly painful, but these obvious signs might as well be a grim reaper coming to your door. Don’t get attached to men that exhibit these serious warning signs.
You may also want to read the 7 Relationship Warning Signs to Eliminate Men That Are Not Serious About You.
Note: Some of these are my own personal opinions, please feel free to comment below and add your own! There are also some helpful external links throughout for further reading.
Table of Contents
- How Long Was His Longest Romantic Relationship? What Happened?
- He Lacks the Ability to Forgive Others, is Petty & Spiteful
- He’s Seemingly Incapable of Introspection/Self Reflection
- He Fails to Take Responsibility for His Actions/Has Immature Coping Methods
- Can’t Sustain Relationships
- He Is Not Concerned with Your Well Being & Safety
How Long Was His Longest Romantic Relationship? What Happened?
Are his running shoes aleady on so he can bolt at the first sign of trouble? Here’s a way to tell. Find out about his history.
Exactly how long did his longest relationship last? Why did they break up? Note: If he’s had only a series of short term relationships consisting of only a few months, then that should give you reason to seriously pause. It could be a sign he has some serious commitment issues and is unable to sustain/nurture a long term relationship.
Also, is he able to explain what broke down in the relationship and truly reflect on what he’d do differently? Relationships frequently end. The key here, is his ability to reflect and see how he could have improved himself (more on this below). What did he learn from the experience? Did he learn anything at all?
He Lacks the Ability to Forgive Others, is Petty & Spiteful
Is forgiveness something that is completely foreign to him? Observe him and what he says as well as how he speaks of others (especially his ex girlfriends/past relationships/family). Pay attention to when he speaks about people that have wronged him, or that he’s felt have wronged him in the past. This is paramount. Do you notice a pattern? Note that there are always two sides to a story and you are only getting HIS side. The ability to forgive the flaws and mistakes of others is very important in a healthy person. Why?
If he lacks the ability to forgive others, then it has to make you wonder whether he’ll be as forgiving of you in the future for any mistakes or arguments you may have as the relationship deepens and progresses to the next level.
Is he the type to blow up or worse, does he hold all his feelings in? Will he expect you to always be perfect and have your A game on 100% of the time? Is this something you can even guarantee? No, it’s not.
In addition, how does he react when he doesn’t get his way or something doesn’t turn out as planned? Does he get petty and spiteful, does he hold a grudge for weeks, months or years? Does he want and seek revenge? Not only is this incredibly immature behavior but it’s alarming to think that he may one day turn on you. It’s a pattern that will likely repeat itself.
He’s Seemingly Incapable of Introspection/Self Reflection
The ability to look at one’s own mental and emotional state as well as REFLECT on his own actions is something that a healthy man should be comfortable with. When he can self reflect then he is on his way to learning from his own mistakes and evolving. That’s only if he can take responsibility for himself. (More below)
Note: If all he does is blame/speak badly of his exes then this is a very bad sign. Here he’s showing you that he can’t recognize any of the things that he could have done better in the relationship. If he cannot do this, then it’s likely he’ll keep repeating the same mistakes/won’t be able to grow and mature as a person. The pattern will repeat itself with you.
He Fails to Take Responsibility for His Actions/Has Immature Coping Methods
He escapes into a fantasy world or just runs away from his problems and refuses to stay and face them. He doesn’t accept any type of responsibility for his actions and doesn’t see how they have impacted his life or the lives of others. When a person can’t look at themselves/their actions or inaction, they are missing a valuable opportunity to grow. It takes two to make a relationship work (any relationship) and the ability to admit to areas where he can improve himself is a sign (in my opinion) of true emotional health.
If he can’t accept responsibility for himself, notice that he plays the blame game.
Make note, it’s always someone else’s fault, never (or rarely) is it his. He does not take responsibility for any role he may have had in whatever transpired.
Can’t Sustain Relationships
Sometimes, it might be necessary to disconnect a relationship from toxic family member when your own mental and emotional health are at stake. How are his familial and platonic relationships? Is he able to sustain relationships with these people?
If he’s not speaking to anyone, then why not? Ask why. This is telling. If he can’t hold down a familial or platonic relationship it could signify a problem keeping any type of relationship alive and healthy. Complete estrangement from his entire family is a red flag. More here.
He Is Not Concerned with Your Well Being & Safety
This one is huge. IT IS HUGE.
Even if none of the other warnings listed here are not present, then this is the one that should tell you that you need to not walk- but run away. Don’t make excuses for him. You are not doing anyone (or yourself) any favors by taking him on as a “project” and trying to teach him. A man that shows absolutely zero concern for you when you are in distress or struggling with an issue is telling you now, he does not have it in him to give you any type of support. It’s over his head and he doesn’t really care or lacks the emotional depth and emotional health to really be there for you.