How to Cope With a Painful Breakup

cope-with-a-painful-breakupHow do you cope with a painful breakup that’s left you completely shattered into pieces? If you’re suffering the heartache of a breakup then welcome. I hope that the suggestions here will help you find some peace, comfort and help make the healing process a little bit easier for you.

Anyone who has experienced a very painful breakup knows that they can be incredibly painful. Below are some methods that I’ve used to help me. I hope they’ll help you as well. Remember, you’re not alone.

Take It One Minute/Hour/Day at a Time

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Photo: One Day At a Time via Amazon

The first few days following a painful break up can be incredibly difficult especially when you’re trying to
just.
get.
through.
the day.
how-to-cope-with-a-break-up
It’s an adjustment when you deal with the absence of your lost love. One thing that’s been helpful to me, personally, is to try and focus on a goal/task for the day.

For instance, if you know that you have to get to work at 8am tomorrow, then make it your goal to prepare for your day. What will you need to do? You’ll need to shower, have breakfast, pick out your clothes, etc. It might help to plan your day in advance. Write your “must do” tasks down and check them off as you complete them.

Planning for your day and setting any small tasks for yourself that you need to get done will help to give you a sense of purpose.  In addition, you might be forgetful during this time. A list will help you to stay on track as you move through the day.

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Photo: Bath & Body Candle via Amazon

Spoil Yourself

After a painful breakup, it might be helpful to spoil yourself. Do something for YOU that in the past you might have thought was a little over the top, a silly indulgence or you figured it might be something that you’d put off for “another day.” Now is the perfect time to indulge yourself. Whether it’s to go out for a nice, relaxing body massage, a pedicure, a nice dinner with a friend at a special place, a day at the beach to be alone and read then do that!

For me, I happen to love scented candles. As a gift to myself I purchased several scented candles and scattered them throughout the house so I could light them every night because it just makes me feel really good and makes my place smell so nice. Do what makes you feel at peace and happy.

Feel Your Emotions and Don’t Push them Aside

Whatever you’re feeling, let it come to the surface and let it all out. If you’re at home or in a private place, even better. If you’re in public; however, and don’t want to break down then find a private spot (bathroom stall/empty room/your car) and then let the tears come. Once the wave of emotion has passed, fix yourself up and get back to whatever it was you’re doing. When anyone asks (they most likely won’t) why you’re all red in the face and you don’t want to talk about it, then just blame it on allergies.


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Photo: Be Grateful via Amazon

What Are You Most Grateful For?

Write down all the things that you are most grateful for. After my painful breakup I made a list every day of some of the things and people that I was most grateful for. It served as a reminder of what I still had in my life as well as why I was/am so very blessed and lucky to be alive. It also served to keep me focused on the here and now.

This will also help you remember that you’re still loved and appreciated as well as remind you of the little things that make you happy and make me feel alive.

It could be anything such as, “I’m grateful, for my best friend. I am grateful for my job. ” Etc. Whatever that may be, write it ALL down.

What if I’m not grateful for anything or can’t think of anything?
Think of something small to get you started. For one, if you’re reading this.. you can READ. Be grateful for that. You also have internet access! The world and information is all at your fingertips. Another good one, “I’m grateful to be a alive and healthy.”

Get Support from People that Love You

Be honest with the people that love and support you. They are in your life for a reason. Let them know that you are having a difficult time with your breakup and would like to talk. This way, they’re aware you might be calling more often when you’re feeling a bit down and need some support or a shoulder to cry on. If you need more help, then consider speaking to a therapist to help guide you through the process.

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Photo: She Believed She Could Journal via Amazon

Think About Why You’re Better off Without this Person in Your Life

This is incredibly helpful in the beginning and may be difficult for some. Why? If you’re like me, you’ll tend to idealize them and put them on a pedestal. Knock him off that pedestal. He doesn’t belong there. In truth, no one is perfect and we all have flaws.

It might help you to make a list of all the things you disliked about him. Yes, make a list for yourself. Did he dislike your cooking? Was he the type to gawk at other women/wandering eye? Did he refuse to watch your favorite show with you? Whatever it is then write it down. Why didn’t you like it? Hold on to some of those negative traits you didn’t like and how they were hurtful to you or why they bothered/irritated you. Then when you’re feeling incredibly sad about losing him, remember them because they can help you get through the very tough moments. He was not perfect and it’s important to remind yourself of this.

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Stop Blaming Yourself

What did I do wrong? What could I have done better? Why did he leave me? If only I had….(fill in the blank).
These questions might be things that are running through your mind. It’s normal to ruminate and always good to do some self reflection and take responsibility for your role, but too much can make you go crazy when you’re in the throes of despair.

It is incredibly helpful to remember that it takes 2 people to make a relationship work and you were not by yourself in the relationship. He had a hand in it too and played a very equal role in its demise. STOP beating yourself up. Think of it this way, if you heard someone saying some of the things you are saying to yourself uttered to your very best friend, would you get upset? Would you defend your bestie? YES, you would. Be good and kind to yourself.

You will get through this, one minute, hour and day at a time.

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